Passive Aggressiva

Your roommate has been a dick all week, and you're leaving for the weekend, the sink is full of dishes, the apartment is dirty. Should you clean before you go?

Absolutely not.

Leave those dishes. While you're at it, dirty up some more, leave them on the counter, and go on your merry way. And when he calls asking about the state of the apartment because a group of his friends are going to be staying over, do you apologize for the mess?

Absolutely not.

When he gets pissy about it, shrug it off. Pretty people shouldn't clean if they have ugly roommates. Enjoy the weekend, you're not there, you don't have to see the mess. Chances are it will be there when you get back. And when you do get back, and the dishes are still ridiculously undone, you should probably do them because if anyone comes over, it's going to make you look bad.

When you return, if you happen to notice that any of your alcohol is missing (no one messes with your alcohol), it's time for three things:

1. Ignore him. Don't respond to anything he says, texts, or types to you via instant messenger. He's been enough of a dick already, you don't need to hear anymore of it.
2. Find a callendar, figure out the day the lease ends, and start a coutdown. Place it in the living area.
3. Post it notes. These are much more effective than actually talking. You can leave any message you want without the confrontation, such as "Why the hell is the wine (that my best friend bought me for my birthday) gone?" or "Stop taking my DVD player out of the living room so that you can watch movies with the random nasty in your bed"

When he starts apologizing for being such a dick, ignore him for a while longer. See what you can get out of him. Eventually he'll feel so bad that he'll offer you things.

When its all over with, just smile, you won!

Deleting pictures of your exes

because it sucks when you remember how much better you could have done. Besides, do you really need to keep those memories?

fake it 'til you make it

...even though you're a broke college student, and there's nothing but ketchup and rotten cheese in you fridge. Don't go for $1 draft night at the local dive. There is always somewhere to be seen. I recommend Chop House, and La Dolce Vita. Cigars, Brandy, and $80 steaks haven't looked this good since the 1920's. There's nothing better than a random server making you feel like a king (or queen). Who knows, you might even meet a random barney or two, and they might end up paying for your bill. Rich connections are always great. They don't need to know what's behind the door of your apartment.. a dirty couch from your grandmother's garage, and a mattress with no headboard

1. Find yourself a pretty friend to bring along
2. Dress to impress
3. Take out a student loan
4. Fake it til you make it.

(Disclaimer: Class is a must, if you don't have it, you're not fooling anyone.)

Grey's Anatomy

Grey's Anatomy..

Because watching people die with indie chick emo music playing is better than therapy. And instead of paying $200 and hour, you only have to watch commercials

Wrapping it before tapping it..

..because safe sex is always a good idea. No one likes STD's or unplanned pregnancies. They make for good gossip.. but it's never good to actually have one yourself.

Drinking

Drinking on a school night...

you should have 1 Long Island Iced Tea, 1 Tequila Sunrise, 3 Bud Lights, 3 Superman Shots, 1 Cherry something (that a random stranger buys you), 1 shot of Tequlia, and 1 Whiskey Sour. Its essential that all of these drinks are payed for by other people.

Serving

Not working as a server...


because unless you're making bank, there is no way to justify whoring yourself for tips. You might as well just be a stripper. its better money anyways.

Turning 21

Turning 21..


because everyone drinks underage, and acoholism isn't illegal.

Lists

keeping a list of people's flaws, including your own.

Because that way, when something shitty happens, you aren't ever suprised.

For example, I started making a list of my future roommate's flaws the day I met him, and since I've payed close attention to his f*** ups, I know exactly what I'll be dealing with.

My friend Maria keeps a list of my flaws in her head (I asked her to make one for me), and now i can use it as an excuse for why I do stupid things.

Sitting next to smart pretty people in class..


because no one likes their study buddy to be ugly or dumb