Passive Aggressiva

Your roommate has been a dick all week, and you're leaving for the weekend, the sink is full of dishes, the apartment is dirty. Should you clean before you go?

Absolutely not.

Leave those dishes. While you're at it, dirty up some more, leave them on the counter, and go on your merry way. And when he calls asking about the state of the apartment because a group of his friends are going to be staying over, do you apologize for the mess?

Absolutely not.

When he gets pissy about it, shrug it off. Pretty people shouldn't clean if they have ugly roommates. Enjoy the weekend, you're not there, you don't have to see the mess. Chances are it will be there when you get back. And when you do get back, and the dishes are still ridiculously undone, you should probably do them because if anyone comes over, it's going to make you look bad.

When you return, if you happen to notice that any of your alcohol is missing (no one messes with your alcohol), it's time for three things:

1. Ignore him. Don't respond to anything he says, texts, or types to you via instant messenger. He's been enough of a dick already, you don't need to hear anymore of it.
2. Find a callendar, figure out the day the lease ends, and start a coutdown. Place it in the living area.
3. Post it notes. These are much more effective than actually talking. You can leave any message you want without the confrontation, such as "Why the hell is the wine (that my best friend bought me for my birthday) gone?" or "Stop taking my DVD player out of the living room so that you can watch movies with the random nasty in your bed"

When he starts apologizing for being such a dick, ignore him for a while longer. See what you can get out of him. Eventually he'll feel so bad that he'll offer you things.

When its all over with, just smile, you won!